Holla from Central Oregon. Love the freakin mountains! I'm going to make myself a nice steaming cup of hot mint cocoa provided by the condo, watch an ancient VHS tape, curl up with a good book, then go to bed in hopes of a good night sleep for a snowboarding adventure tomorrow. I'll be at the half-pipe doing 360's and 480's and what not, so I gotta get my rest.

I've been spending a lot lately, including a nice pair of jeans. Opps. That's a really bad weakness of mine, as most of you know. I want a huge closet full of clothes, neatly divided into sections; jeans, tank tops, tees, long shirts, a wall full of shoes, and of course, a wall full of underwear. Ahh, damn you clothes. It would be so much easier to be naked all the time. Do you know how much money we'd save?

Sometimes I feel so guilty for spending money. Then I realize that is what you do with money. And what else am I going to use it for? School? Psh, puuuulease. A little self-indulgence here and there isn't going to hurt.

I'm not really looking forward to living at home during the summer. I just want my own place right away! Come September I'm going to have to move into the apartment a couple weeks early to "get settled in" haaha *cough*. Do you even KNOW how many cute decorations I've seen?!?

NEW LAYOUT. It's about freaking time. The Photo Gallery was also updated, woot.

Hello Spring Break, sleeping in, shopping, friends, and snowboarding (and FTP that works!!). :)

My computer was making some funny noises (again). I was about to run to duck and cover 'cause I was pretty sure it was gonna blow!

I have a horribly girly crush on a reccent friend of mine. He is hot and rugged. The combination of his deep voice, laugh and smile, melts me to candle wax haha. His personality is just so cute, manly and outdoorsy. Tehe.

NEWS FLASH!! I failed my first class! Math 111, you are evil. Good thing I didn't resell my book... UPDATE UPDATE: I actually got a D+. Not just a D but a nice little plus attached. It's one of those grades that you joke about getting but hey, at least it is passing.

I think I've lost my mojo. No joke. Or at least partially because it hasn't been working at full capacity or functioning like normal. Its really depressing. I need to branch out and hang out with new people. My life seems so boring and monotonous lately, I need some new friend to liven it up. I'm disinterested in most of the clubs here and the only other thing I can think of is sorority. And that makes me want to barf.

Blah. I'm kind of in a funky mood. :\ I go through so many highs and lows like a manic depressive.

Oh and I don't think any ass kicking will be needed, Alex. :) Thanks though, babe. Me and him mended our relations and everything is better than it was before...and hopefully it will continue to improve.

Going to a concert the other night reminded me how much I love live music and how much there is a void in my life without it. I need to go to more shows, despite the fact that I'm basically broke (or will be soon). I also love Portland. Aahh, I want to live in a Portland high-rise apartment. haha Such a lofty, goal...I know. I also freaking LOVE snow and the mountains. I think I will end up living in the mountains at the end of my life because nature is where its at!

And ahaha oh no...oh freaking no. Not again, opps. :\ Its so hard to keep our hands off each other. I don't think I should be laughing.

Moving along, MY HOOPS BROKE. Only like the 3rd time I've worn those earrings? Damn things can't stand a drunken night of dancing, unclasping and getting stepped on. What has quality control come to these days?

First off, I fucking love our baseball team and baseball players. I'm going to either date or marry a baseball player and that's all there is to it (I've already slept with one, so hey! I'm off to a good start). Second, a girl has morals if she doesn't have sex with a guy after the first night of meeting him, NOT issues. Ugh.

Its bad when you're kissing one guy and thinking about another...especially when it happens to two different people. I just can't get this dude out of my head. Fuck. I'm in denial about love.

I'm dancing around in my pink-stripped bathrobe and cleaning my room (while "spicing up my life" with the Spice Girls. That shit is classic, okay?). Whheeee.

EDIT // I need to meet more people that have good connections. I'm getting sick of some people around here.

I got my first offical booty call on Friday night. It was...funny? I hope that is not all I mean to him. I said "NO. We can't keep fooling around, it is not right." But hot damn, he was really trying to drunkenly convince me.

When I went home this weekend my mom gave me sweet smelling Dafny from our yard to bring back. Love my mommy. :) I also bought some hot pink playing cards (drinking games saayy whhaatt? Erh, I mean...I quit.) and more undies. I have a horrible obsession with cute underwear and the color pink.

I might be visiting one of my childhood best friends from Washington that I haven't seen in yeeeaaars. Oh my gosh I'm excited :)

Today in Relaxation I had an epiphany from my instructor's wise words: focusing on breathing, inner peace, unrestricted energy, not digesting toxins. So I'm becoming a straight up vegetarian (almost). I'm going to be eating only free-range or wild meat, and foods that are organic, natural and most of all, alive. Everything that is processed is going to be scrapped (with the exception of chocolate). Since there are not many choices on campus like this, it is going to be difficult but I will do it. This makes me miss Eugene. Oh Eugene, where are you when I needed you?

I've been wanting to do this for a while but haven't had the motivation. Now I have the will and power to change and cleanse my soul. Breathing clean air, observing nature and taking in it's energy, walking with my inner core instead of my head, living for the moment, not giving into urges that come from emotional and physical stress, and engaging my whole body into life. Ahh, the feeling of freshness and purity. It is beautiful.

This makes me want to become an organic chef and devote my life to all things natural and inner peace.

I miss the smell of hippies...

For the first time in a while, I don't have that much weekend assignments. Days of overwork have lead to exhaustion. Finally, I am (slightly) free!!

Well shit, folks. You know the Red Hot Chili Peppers song "Californication"? That is what down last night, minus the "cali". Me and him CANNOT be around each other and drink. It is always a bad combo that leads to disaster. At least it was better than last time! haha Its kind of really fucking funny though. College is about making mistakes and learning from them right? Obviously I didn't learn the first time. There will not be a third unless our relationship status changes to something official...and I don't really want that to happen. I can't do "fuck buddies" and I can't do "together".

This is a lot of poo. :(

I had a realization the other night--guys only see my exterior, cute, fun, and a crazy drunk. They don't see past that into my interior. I am so much more than a ditzy party girl. I don't like the image I am portraying right now because people get the wrong impression and don't know there is a real person behind this facade. I want guys to see that I am fun but have depth. I can be a closed book, you have to work hard to get to know me and it might take a while, but it is well worth it.

I've been very disappointed in myself lately. Not just school wise, but with my actions and behaviors. I feel like I've not been the nicest person to people who don't desrve it. I've also let myself down, doing shit that really isn't me. Sometimes you get caught up and loose touch of reality and the important things, thus diving into unhealthy habits.

Also, I really fucking LOVE country now. Not that pop country shit but that stuff you can rock out to. I've offically been converted (sadly and unforfunately). "Pickin' Wild Flowers" by Keither Anderson, AAAaahhhhhh! The end.

Winter term? No, this is "Ashley gets fucked" term. I've managed to fail yet another midterm. What in the hell is going on? I mean seriously, when the fuck did I become so stupid? Ashley does not get F's. Ashley does not miserably fail anything. And it is not just the fact of getting a bad grade, it is the fact that I know I can do a hell of a lot better.

This must be my time to finally get screwed over because I'm really screwing up in life right now, in more than just school. Ever since that one night with "him" it has gone down hill. Maybe this is a mental problem.

I've never failed anything in my life so I don't know how to deal with this.

Thank you Silverchair and your wonderful angry music. I'm also drowning my pain in chocolate. What is a healthy way to deal with failure? And if you say exercise I will slap you because that does not really help.

I think I might drop out of college and become a make up artist. Yes. Well, then go to a beauty school because you will soon be seeing me do all the make up for the hottest runway shows, exotic photo shoots, and dramatic TV series'. Be ready. Maybe I should graduate fro the lame ass business program first?

I desperately need to make out with the boy next door. DOH. Damnit. I wasn't supposed to admit that to myself. I was supposed to be over him.

I'm wearing my new jeans. Weee.

This post is dedicated to Stephanie! Just for youuu haha :)

Current Music: "Sunrise" - Norah Jones (I told myself I would never like her but this song is beautiful...)
Current Mood: STRESSED! My social and school calendars are packed.

The most stupid, idiotic and unlucky (yet slightly funny) shit happens to me!! Whenever I'm with him it is always a night for the record books.

I don't think it is right for me to be bleeding this much. My roommie was like, "you need to get on birth control to control that flow!" haha Yeah. That plus dancing does NOT equal good times. Get the picture? Then multiply it by 5,000.

I. LOVE. BEER. (now). It has gone from hate to love. I can pound those suckers and enjoy it. And hey, that is what college is about...drinking cheap beer and finding ways to get it for free. I'm also growing an increasing tolerence. I'm not such a light weight anymore.. (Why do I always talk about alcohol now? Is that one of the signs of dependence?)

Ooh oh oh, did I tell you I got a 40% on my math mid term...a solid forty! YES. When the FUCK did I get so stupid?!?

"Must Be Doing Something Right" by Billy Currington IS FREAKING AMAZING PEOPLE. God damn. Coming from a girl that strongly dislikes country (except when she is intoxicated and getting her groove on), that is saying something. It is the lyrics. And his silky voice. It is my new obsession that has gone terribly wrong (much like a lot of retarded events in my life. What is with parentheses tonight?)

I'm talking like I'm on some kind of drug. Maybe it is all those vitamin C drops. Can you overdose on those things? You must be thinking I'm even more crazy than before. But that is what I love about this site. I can write anything and not have a care in the world about what anyone thinks.

I'm completely awake at it is almost 4 am. Agggg grrr arggg errrggg ehhh AAAAUGGG!

Love, depression (and PMS) shouldn't mix. Could it really be love or just my imagination? There is an interesting article about love/passion in the latest National Geographic that my roommate bought. It had caused much thought, maybe too much.

Ewww there was some weird sticky crap in my hair.

The brownies at the dining center are delicious.

Le siiiiigh.

I was talking to some friends about my *cough* drinking habits. I asked if it was widely known on my hall that I am found of the bottle and they replied with vigorous head shakes and "Oh yeah!"s. haha Opps? I mean, it is only on the weekends, and I'm not that wild.

I've been thinking about doing some modeling for the art department on campus. $30 for a 2 hour session, nude though. Not that I would mind, I am very comfortable. :) Maybe next year when I need the money more.

Look at my cute new wedges! So stylin'.

I can't believe it is already time for mid-terms. Good lord where is this year going? I want to cherish it forever because there will never be anything like these days again...

Lately I've had a difficult time because I've had an urge not to wear clothes. Just to run around in my bra and undies, or even naked. Clothes feel so...restrictive. According to "him" that would be fine because "I have the body for it...so anytime you feel like not wearing clothes, come up to our room!!!" Ugh. Even more shit happened. I swear, that kid brings about so much drama. So I'm going to stop talking about him every entry before one of you smacks me in the face saying SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I just ate a Reese's we've had in our room since September. Those things have enough preserves in them that it should still be fine anyway (hopefully).

I hate it when they are cleaning the bathroom and I have to take a shit.

Being the blonde I am, I forgot that my FTP doesn't work here so I can't upload the new layout or photos for the gallery.

One crazy drunken night after another. Do you always find random bruises on your body after one of these nights? Because I always do!

WHY do I always mess shit up for myself? I finally cried and it felt good. It made me realize how much I really do like him and how much I probably just fucked it up (again). It is not because he was "my first," I've had these feelings for a long time, crazy intense ones. Could it be love? I always thought that if you were in love you wouldn't have to ask--you'd know. We both agreed that it wouldn't work out but now that is all I can think about. Just to hold each other, feeling the embrace and the beauty of what we have, fulfilling my dream of cuddling by the fire in a mountainous cabin. That sounds wonderfully amazing. Geez, I've never had so much emotional turmoil over one guy before.

Ooh I wish I had an answer, a sign from the mother earthly heavens haha. I trust that everything will go work out and that he feels just as much as me.

I just found a piece of pure red hair on my head.

I could kill for a huge delicious sandwich right now!!

Love: Alex

Edit // We talked...again. And we are going out on a date next week. Wow? YES. I'm really, really excited. :) Hopefully this will turn into a something very very good. The way the we look at one another, the way we communicate, flirt and touch. I can feel it. It has to mean something, right?

I got my ears pierced, WHEEE. They look so cute with little pink sparkly studs. It gave me such a high, I'm really hyper and in a particularly good mood with this adrenaline rush. I wanted to get something else done but didn't know what.

I feel like highlighting my hair with a lot of blonde. I'm in such a mood for change, maybe because of other recent changes *cough*. I'm glad that if fate had me lose my virginity that night it was with a guy I trusted and felt comfortable with. It happened at the wrong time and wrong place. I used to be into him but was just getting over it at the time. We are on really good terms though and definitely agreed to continue being friends. I will always remember him, and in a positive note.

Commenters: Laura, Alex, Stephanie

Oh guys I kind of messed up. At least he is a good guy...

More later, I am mentally (and physically) exhausted.

Oh my gosh, I feel so free and liberated. I am suddenly over him!! After months of brooding, confusion, lust and (one) cry...it is complete and I have moved onto the friends stage. Woot. Come and get me boys, Ashley is out to play haha :) I'm a nerd.

One of the many guys I danced with tonight had like ROCK solid thighs. Mmmmm yes (Although I am still a sucker for the tall and lean). Tonight was fun. J'adore dancer avec les garcons et avec moi et mon tres stupide moves de dance. Hooray for franglais.

I'm in such a funny random mood, Ow OOWWWWW! I'm getting my nipples pierced tomorrow. Ahaha Not really just the ears.

PS: Keep voting on the layouts! ...And I love each and everyone of your silly little booties (I swear I only had a shot. I didn't even get a buzz so don't start with me bitches. I am totally getting my second wind and a blog is not the right place to let it out. Ugh, where is my blow up Jude Law doll when I need it? gahaha.)

LAYOUT CONTESSTTT!!!! It is a little different this time since you will already know the general look and feel of the new layout from viewing at the images below. So upon your best judgement, please choose one of the following:

a)


- OR -

b)


- OR -

c)
I don't like any of them...Ashley, you really need to work on your "skills".

EDIT // The point of a layout contest is to actually vote. Exercise your voice!