Unpredictable

I have no real friends. I have friends but none of them are true and they don't give a shit about me. Can't they see that I am hurting so badly inside? No my hard shell won't let them see it. I want so much to confide in someone at my school. But no one would understand. The only person who understands me is Jess (one of my pee-towners, can I hear a whoop whoop?). She knows what I'm going through and I know what she's going through. Our minds are so much a like, we are practically the same. She's the only person I've ever been able to open up to and relate to. The only problem is, is that she lives in Alaska. (Why Jess why? But it will be alright, we are going to Tulsa in just a couple of years! lol ;D)

I've never felt so alone. I feel like a zombie walking down the halls. This year is getting worse day by day. I can never find anyone for lunch and when I do they are off doing better things that I don't want to intervene with. Like today I asked what Christina was doing and she was like "Ooh going with Katie for a litte talk." Ok alright so I didn't bother asking anymore and just went on my lonely way to find someone. Later on I saw them and some other girl just giggling and walking around. Uh thanks guys. Real friends that I have. Katie just calls me for homework that I never give her and then wants to talk about guy problems. I don't give a shit bitch. I'm not going to let anyone use me. So I ended up going to the art room again today to work on the school webpage. It is so sad and I've never felt like such a loner before. It's like no one cares about me and I'm beginning not to care for myself. Why do I have to do this to myself? I keep walking into a darker and darker cave, withdrawing myself whenever possible. I put on a fake smile for everyone to show that everythings all right. But its not. The hurt is so bad. God damnit I just want to fit in and for someday this little mind of mine to make sense.

I'm on the verge of tears.

Anyway this is my first entry here at never-forget.org. I luff ya Sez and thank you so much for hosting me. And thanks to Tara, my previous host. I'm sad to see the domain go.