Unpredictable

Staying up until 1 AM to finish a project is not fun. Especially when the teacher gives the class an extension they day it is due.

I'm trying to figure out of Katie is just a cold, hard bitch who is friends with me because it makes her feel better about herself since she thinks she's "above" me or if she is just friends with me so we can share homework OR if she is just friends with me because she doesn't have many others. I'm guessing if she had the choice to be with "better" people she wouldn't be friends with me. And it's not like I'm in any better of a situation because if I stop being friends with her then I most definitely won't have anything relatively close to a "good" friend, and I'll be even more alone and sad than I am right now.

It's like I'm her last resort. If no one else can do anything, then she calls me. And she tries to hide things from me. For instance today she said her and Christina are going to a fundraising pagent at another school and I asked why and she snapped, "Because we want to!" And I know why she wants to go--she wants to meet guys. And thanks for asking me too, Katie..because you know that I also want to meet boys. Why did she have to lie? I don't understand. Maybe she doesn't want me to go because I'm annoying her or she just doesn't flat out like me. Speaking of annoying, I've been annoying myself lately. I used to be happy with myself at the end of middle school, now I'm ending high school not being the person I want to be. But anyway. I just want to smack her and say WTF? so she can come clean with me. It's better to tell the truth than live a lie. I want to know where I stand with her and if I should continue to be her friend.

And it's really hard to deal with the face that there is no one in my (small) circle of friends that I can truly talk to about EVERYTHING, trust and respect them. There's no one I know that would go out of the way to make me feel better or ask me what's wrong, or even say "Ash, you rock," and really mean it. I have no one and it hurts. High School's a bitch and I will be glad to get out.

Blogger is refusing to publish this post.

And on top of that, my god damn toilet is plugged.

{Edit} I just found out John Mayer is coming on Saturday, July 10 - Ridgefield, WA - Amphitheatre at Clark County (same day and place where he went last year too). WHEEE! M5 is opening...Becca, we have to go!! Now my day is a whole lot better. YAYNESS.