New layout. Its about stinking time, huh?

School is over. The first chapter of college life is done. Shit dawg (um?), I'm going the miss the dorms and (most) of the people. I made a hella lot of mistakes (I don't even want to begin to explain) but grew from them. I know who I am now more than ever. I'm finally completely happy with myself. I love life. Things changed, in a good way. :) I can't wait for next year in our cozy apartment, playing soccer and joining clubs. Next year is the year for me.

Over the past few years I've noticed my instinct is hella good. I think I might have been a psychic in my past life.

Don't lead me on, play me with, don't treat me as a flavor of the month (night?), don't disrespect me. I am better than that. Many men treat women like toys, using them at their own disposal when they want a little excitement. I am not one to treat as a toy. You don't know what you are missing by using me and not keeping me.

.......

The pictures are being stripped down, the rug is being rolled up and the clothes are being packed. Finals are being taken, books are being returned (or not purchased back..damn bookstore) and people are leaving. An empty room full of memories: lust, anger, sadness, happiness, bonding, crying, eating, snacking, napping....

Oh yes, my freshman year. My first dorm. My first roommate. Forever remembered.

More later. :)

Oh geeza, I am such an IDIOT. Why why why?!?! He is alawys my weak spot, everytime...every god damn time.

I was also shafted for the first time in my life (by someone different than above). Maybe I had it coming after all the guys I've rejected. I'm usually the rejecter, not the rejectee. Good thing my emotions weren't it in or else it would've been a great disappointment.

Anyway, finals are coming up. From now til the end of the week my stress is going to be high. I need to keep reminding myself to stay strong and focus on the moment.

I keep biting different parts of my cheek over and over. Blah. I don't know whether I have allergies or some sort of cold, either. Pooh.

What ever happened to Edwin McCain? That guy has fucking talent. He needs to get back on the scene.

What should be the subject of my new layout?

(God I've become so dull, sorry all hahaha.)

I love crafting (..and downloading new music). I've missed doing artsy things this year. I'm seriously considering interior designer as a minor. Although I really want to do French because I need to achieve one of my life goals of becoming fluent in another langage. I have a lot of random life goals. Can you see me being an interior designer? I mean, I used to be obsessed with Trading Spaces, so that gives me automatic skills. Riiight. That is, if you call painting the wall with chickens and assembling unstable furniture skill.

Waiting for someone to call is killer. Maybe I should? Ahh.

TWO MORE WEEKS. And I'll still be a freshman...damn credits and Math 95 that didn't count for shit. I've already accepted the fact that I won't graduate in four years. Anyway.

The latest happenings in my world:

-Found the cutest apartment EVER. So excited its going to be ours in less than 1 week.
-Met the greatest guy ever. Actually quite normal and quite different from the norm. Maybe this will go somewhere?! AND when I wear heels he is still taller than me.
-Sobe claims they are a "healthy refreshment," but high fructose corn syrup is not considered healthy.
-My skin is a little dry for some odd reason. And I've been thristy a lot.
-I'm going to braid my hair in pigtails so it will be wavy.

What happened to all my visitors?

Hi. I got a car. My own car. Like, get-a-new-key-chain my car. Its a 2002 dark blue Mustang. I am happy. :) I need to name it something badass. Help?

Okay that is all!!

There's so much I want to do/accomplish in life. I don't want to focus on just one thing. What is the point in that when I could be an interior designer, make up artist, boutique owner, cafe owner, band manager, photographer, politician, chef, mom, fluent in French and Italian, indie record label CEO, graphic designer, ahh the possibilities are endless. I want to do so much, travel so many places and experience so many things. Why is it that society limits us to such little possibilities?

They shouldn't charge you for traveling the world. They should PAY you. Yeah, yeah, the economy, multi-national companies and are the reason, but still...the enrichment of one's mind and life is more important.

I've gone through such an epiphany this past week. Life changing epiphanys are fun.

Stress is a bitch.

As much as I have umm..experienced this year, I am glad it is coming to a close. I will miss some, remember some, and forget some. I think I need to move on to the next part of my life and get out of the social, crazy atmosphere of the dorms. I'm getting annoyed at the people around here...its time to move on and continue to the next phase of college. I've done the crazy shit everyone should do, now I am focusing on the importance of myself. A great many lessons have been learned.

Just so you know, this the first post coming from the OSU library.

I miss the hippie-ness from Eugene. I miss all the natural people. So many people here are fake, not being real to themselves. God, I am so gonna be an old hippie living in the woods using leaf toilet paper by the time I retire hahaha. I was going to say I would have a long gray beard but then I realized I was a female. My vision is slightly ruined now. Maybe my husband will have one.

I'm being a bitch to everyone lately. A mix of PMS and annoyance puts me in a shitty mood. Plus seeing the same faces and hearing the same voices everday makes me want to barf. I am not one for monotony...most of the time at least.

So I think I'm getting a car for next year. Woot.

I kind of want to get a tattoo. Something small and very hidden. Maybe like on the inside of my toe haha. That would be sweet. Mandy Moore has a star (or was is it a heart?) on hers.

Anyway, I am procrastinating like hell. But who knew? The library really IS a great place to get work done. *knock on wood*

Bob Marley always puts one at ease and in a good mood.

One of the best things you can to is respect yourself. Without that, no one will respect you. Take care of your body, mind and soul. Don't get caught up in things that don't matter. Set your priorities straight. Love yourself and all else will fall into place.

Do I ever have some fucking stories from this year...ahh, great college memories. Well maybe not all of them are that great but they sure are interesting. If only I could go into detial...maybe 4 years from now.

What are some of your amusing college stories?

I've been eating so many oranges lately that the nail I use to peel is turning orange in one spot. haha

I need a job for this summer. Shitty.

How do you know if a guy is 'the one'? Maybe not necessarily for life, but to date. Will you instinctual know it? I am so picky and my standards are so high, that I reject everything that is not perfect in my eyes. I have been bombarded with so many guys recently, what if I have passed up the one? I like being single but then again I want someone to love and I want someone to love me.

I don't want to pass up something beautifully amazing. It is hard to see everything clearly when you are blinded (at least in one eye) by someone else. Its hard to cope when you know that something might be right but its now unattainable.

I think I will just know it....I hope.

Love is a tough subject, so forget it. I've gone through a lot these past two weeks. I had a revelation on Sunday. My drinking was out of control. I was out of control. I had no respect for myself and I just didn't care. My motto was "Just fuck it."? I was already in the hole, so what was another mistake? My drinking started affecting others close to me, then I realized it had become a big problem. When my shit hurt other people it just had to be changed. I'm changing. Drinking not to get drunk as fast a possible, but to get a nice buzz and have fun. No more shows to put on. No more making out with random guys. No more crazy ass shit. I have potential to live up to. I have myself, and that is all I've got.

This made me giggle:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

So my date went well but not exceptional (I wore lip gloss, Alex). We had many things to talk about but I didn't do much of the talking. The beauty of me is that it takes time to get to know me, you just gotta let it flow and be around me. I hope to see him again but it wouldn't break my heart of I didn't.

ahaha I thought of something tonight, "I like my men like I like my pita chips, hard on the outside and soft on the inside."

Maybe going out tonight? I dunno. I gotta lay off on the booze, guys. For real. You don't even know...

Why do I alawys screw up? I wish this whole thing with him would stop happening and be over once and for all. I met a new guy, maybe he will change things. Although he is a fucking hardcore conservative. How in the hell could I endure that?

Shits complicated as fuck and it never goes the way its supposed to.

Goodnight, for now. I feel a little late-night-post arousal.

Plugs: Brittney, Alex

I love crazy nights. I always do stupid shit though. But I have to admit, I was rackin' in the boys last night.

Weekly guy update: I'm confused about a certain person...again :(. And of course, I still like my manly, rugged STUD. God he is a looker.

Recommend some good country songs!! My country playlist is so fucking weak. Actually, recommend good songs in general from any genre. I'm the mood to extend my library!

My Body Sculpting class is INTENSE. I did more lounges and squats in 50 minutes than I've ever done in my life. I convinced myself I was going to die and if not, it would be next class. My body better be fucking sculpted by the end of this term!

This mid-afternoon I discovered that Olay's Body Butter is a wonderful smelling delight in the shower that produces even softer skin. I would recommend this to any woman, or metro man.

Yay I love sun and flowers. :) Wouldn't it be a treat to have fresh flowers in your room everday? Think of how much happier we would be all be.

EDIT // My quads and butt are so sore that I move at the pace of an old woman with muscle problems and have immense troubles getting up and down from chairs.

Holla from Central Oregon. Love the freakin mountains! I'm going to make myself a nice steaming cup of hot mint cocoa provided by the condo, watch an ancient VHS tape, curl up with a good book, then go to bed in hopes of a good night sleep for a snowboarding adventure tomorrow. I'll be at the half-pipe doing 360's and 480's and what not, so I gotta get my rest.

I've been spending a lot lately, including a nice pair of jeans. Opps. That's a really bad weakness of mine, as most of you know. I want a huge closet full of clothes, neatly divided into sections; jeans, tank tops, tees, long shirts, a wall full of shoes, and of course, a wall full of underwear. Ahh, damn you clothes. It would be so much easier to be naked all the time. Do you know how much money we'd save?

Sometimes I feel so guilty for spending money. Then I realize that is what you do with money. And what else am I going to use it for? School? Psh, puuuulease. A little self-indulgence here and there isn't going to hurt.

I'm not really looking forward to living at home during the summer. I just want my own place right away! Come September I'm going to have to move into the apartment a couple weeks early to "get settled in" haaha *cough*. Do you even KNOW how many cute decorations I've seen?!?

NEW LAYOUT. It's about freaking time. The Photo Gallery was also updated, woot.

Hello Spring Break, sleeping in, shopping, friends, and snowboarding (and FTP that works!!). :)

My computer was making some funny noises (again). I was about to run to duck and cover 'cause I was pretty sure it was gonna blow!

I have a horribly girly crush on a reccent friend of mine. He is hot and rugged. The combination of his deep voice, laugh and smile, melts me to candle wax haha. His personality is just so cute, manly and outdoorsy. Tehe.

NEWS FLASH!! I failed my first class! Math 111, you are evil. Good thing I didn't resell my book... UPDATE UPDATE: I actually got a D+. Not just a D but a nice little plus attached. It's one of those grades that you joke about getting but hey, at least it is passing.

I think I've lost my mojo. No joke. Or at least partially because it hasn't been working at full capacity or functioning like normal. Its really depressing. I need to branch out and hang out with new people. My life seems so boring and monotonous lately, I need some new friend to liven it up. I'm disinterested in most of the clubs here and the only other thing I can think of is sorority. And that makes me want to barf.

Blah. I'm kind of in a funky mood. :\ I go through so many highs and lows like a manic depressive.

Oh and I don't think any ass kicking will be needed, Alex. :) Thanks though, babe. Me and him mended our relations and everything is better than it was before...and hopefully it will continue to improve.

Going to a concert the other night reminded me how much I love live music and how much there is a void in my life without it. I need to go to more shows, despite the fact that I'm basically broke (or will be soon). I also love Portland. Aahh, I want to live in a Portland high-rise apartment. haha Such a lofty, goal...I know. I also freaking LOVE snow and the mountains. I think I will end up living in the mountains at the end of my life because nature is where its at!

And ahaha oh no...oh freaking no. Not again, opps. :\ Its so hard to keep our hands off each other. I don't think I should be laughing.

Moving along, MY HOOPS BROKE. Only like the 3rd time I've worn those earrings? Damn things can't stand a drunken night of dancing, unclasping and getting stepped on. What has quality control come to these days?

First off, I fucking love our baseball team and baseball players. I'm going to either date or marry a baseball player and that's all there is to it (I've already slept with one, so hey! I'm off to a good start). Second, a girl has morals if she doesn't have sex with a guy after the first night of meeting him, NOT issues. Ugh.

Its bad when you're kissing one guy and thinking about another...especially when it happens to two different people. I just can't get this dude out of my head. Fuck. I'm in denial about love.

I'm dancing around in my pink-stripped bathrobe and cleaning my room (while "spicing up my life" with the Spice Girls. That shit is classic, okay?). Whheeee.

EDIT // I need to meet more people that have good connections. I'm getting sick of some people around here.