SIGN THE GUESTBOOK GOD DAMNIT!! The thing is lonely....go give it a good spankin ;)

Hair-smeller-freaky-boy (haha oh yeah, rockin name) insists on talking to me everytime he sees me. It's umm interesting. While I was talking to him before school today Dale comes up and gives me this huge hug which he rarely does....compeititiiooon oh la la hahaha. Big football game tomorrow and I'm gonna freeze my ass OFF! Seriously I think I will.

I need to stop slacking. My grades aren't as good as I know they can be in a few classes. But when I think about the classes I'm not doing well in are the ones with bad teachers. Go figure. Oooh I'm applying for a scholarship. I have to write a small peom. Wish me luck!

I don't understand this, why am I attracted to so many guys right now? I can name 5 off the top of my head. Stupid thoughts of boys are going to corrode my mind, ack. Maybe its my mating season? rofl

*falls over from reading so much* I just read over a 100 pages of "Black Elk Speaks" in a matter of hours. It was actually a really good book. I suggest it for a different type of reading, if you're in a dream-y sort of mode. The ending is very powerful and I discovered a weird sort of feeling of completeness after reading it. I found a quote out if it that I'm going to share because I "spoke" to me if you will: "It is hard to follow one great vision in this world of darkness and of many great changing shadows. Among these shadows men get lost."

I saw David (aka Mr.EE in some of my previous posts) at the game on friday...my cute little JV football player who is a sophomore! haha Damn he is so cute I just want to smoother him with kisses everytime I see him lmao. Homecoming was last night and it turned out to be fun. Not the greatest dance ever, but I had a good time. I was dancing like a crazy-foo! hahaha David wasn't there though :( Although his friend was...and he is cute in a weird sort of way. He seems really nice too. As Sarah and I were walking out I had my arms crossed and pulled close to me to keep me warm, which in turn made my boobs kinda fall out of my dress haha. And there was this guy sitting in a car, we made eye contact and he smiled and said "Hi," as we were walking past him, so in this sexy voice I'm like "Hiiiiiii." rofl Sarah and I started cracking up! I should've gone back there to talk to him lol.

So I was in the library at school today looking information up about Italy and this dude next to me starts talking to me. He was really nice, trying to make conversationg and stuff. Although it did get annoying when he kept mentioning how many places he'd been and how much money his family has. Uh yeah like I care? Then he was all leaning into me while typing random countries on my computer and smelling my hair. Eww *pushes dude away* I don't think I would've cared WASN'T the guy who kept staring at my friends ass last year. haha

Homecoming this Saturday. Blah, I don't want to go but I got a dress so now I feel obligated. Plus I have so much work to do this weekend and not enough time! Ahh the stress! It's taking over! lol *runs around in circles screaming and pull hair out* Ahhhhhh!


YOU LIVE IN A WALMART BAG!!!

what's YOUR deepest secret?

HAHAHA That's SO me! And thanks to all the commenters on the past few entries, much love for ya! :)

I accidenly O.D. on cold medicine. I took 5 doses instead of 4 in a 24 hour period. I read the directions wrong lol. Well it won't kill me, or at least I hope not! So if you don't hear from me in a long while... (ha ok thats not funny).

I felt so bad when my friend Sara called earlier today. She started to cry because our school won't let her back in since they aren't accepting any transfers right now. She's being homeschooled at the moment, but her guardian isn't teaching her anything. She was like, "I want to learn! I want to have a future!!" It really sucks. I wish I could do something to get her back to school. But I am virtually powerless in this issue (I almost typed tissue hahaha).

God I was so pissed on Saturday during the PSAT. When I registered for it a couple of weeks ago the lady didn't take my name, so I found out that morning they weren't going to count my score. I was like WTF? Isn't that YOUR guys' fault, not mine? So after I bitched about it the guy got it straightened out and my score is gonna count after all. Thank god *grumbles*

I so want to sell this stuff! I could have my friends buy it and I could make some extra cash by doing practically nothing. OMG IDEA....the money that I could get from this could go towards my "Follow Hanson on their next tour with Pee-towners in our Love Mobile with Mr.Jiggles the cat" fund. I should give myself a nice pat on the back for that idea.

PSAT tomorrow. I'm a little nervous....eerrh ok, I'm scared out of my boots! ahaha And its at 8 am in the freaking morning. *grumbles* I want to sleep in god damnit! I'll just have to eat some chocolate before I leave because they is supossed to increase the altertiveness of your brain or something like that.

The street cleaner just went by. The sound turned me on hahaha No not really I just felt like saying that because I'm in a weird mood. Must be the Sudafed Sinus! I think I have a cold. It's like a nasal plug or something....stupid, weird arse cold. Oooh I found out Mr.EE's name today, David. I heard someone calling his name. I haven't "officialy" talked to him yet. My friend Elizabeth's moving away party is tomorrow. I'm sad, I don't want her to move away :(

This entry has been random and pointless. But then again, when are my entries every meaningful? lol

I found out one of my friends is bi the other day. I guess he told some girl who he's friends with and after he left she ended up telling half the people who were at her house. I kinda saw it coming though. There were some clues a long the way...but I just thought he was a little flamboyant. The sad part is everyone thinks he's weird now and he said he'll probably just end up marrying a girl because he doesn't want his family to be ashamed. I feel sorry for the poor guy.

Last night my mom was talking about Pilates and she goes, "Have you ever hear of 'paul-ettes'?" HAHAHA I just started laughing. And I go, "You mean 'pull-aut-ese'?" She was really surprised that you pronounced it that way, so then I convinced her it was "pual-ettes"...she believed me of course then I told her again that it was "pull-aut-ese". hehe I love doing that to people.

Sara said she would do yoga with me, yay! Now I just have to find some cheap place thats close. I have so much homework *groan* Oh and I just want to say that I loath Hanson.net at the moment.

Only things like this happen to me--I volunteered at a refreshment table for a Walk-A-Thon and one of the lady's helping was a man haha. "She" was wearing Jinco jeans, purple nail polish and some really nasty musk perfume. hehe But she was really nice. Then I saw this guy who looked like Josh Hartnett, I was thinking "Rawr *POUNCE*!"...as the refreshment table come crashing down and cheese sticks fly everywhere lol. I can totally see that happening.

I FINALLY heard from my friend Sara who's been "missing in action" for a couple of months. And of course she calls when I'm gone. Tiff talked to her earlier and was telling me a little bit of what happened. Sounded like some serious sheeeot. She didn't tell me everything because Sara wanted to tell me what happened. I hope she's okay. Tiff said she sounded sad :(

I really want to go see "Scary Movie 3" Omfg it looks hilarous....and the Michael Jackson part HAHAHA. Yeah I gotta see this movie. And thank you to everyone who's been commenting the last few entires. :0)

I had the most disgusting burrito for lunch. It was like...bean paste with some sort of cheese substitute. haha What in the world has school a la carte come to? *shakes head* And they except me to pay a while 50 cents more compared to lasat year for an even shitier piece of crap! Humph.

So Tiff and I were supposed to talk to my Ethan Embery look-a-like crush today. Heh thats much harder done than said. She went over and talked to his friend that she knows that was standing with Mr.EE (lol thats what I'm going to call him until I find out his real name) and she motioned for me to come over. Both MR.EE and his friend were looking at me when I was coming over and Mr.EE was following me with his eyes as I was walking towards them. It was so not obvious...But OH YEAH BABY! He's kinda quite though. Maybe my sexiness intimated him. rofl Yeah I bet that was it. So I didn't really talk to him...just his friend. DOH that wasn't the plan! But aw he is so adorable and has a very nice butt. *smacks it and runs away* hehe

On another note, my smurf name is Critically Ill Smurf. LMAO!

SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP PROCRASTINATING GOD DAMNIT! I have an essay to write and I have like 100 words out of 1,000 *smacks head on table*. Tiff and I are going to talk to out Ethan Embry look-a-like tomorrow :D *licks him* haha

Art club is fun. We're painting bowls lol. Mine's seeexy. I love iTunes. I'm really into this Radio thing they have on there. "Beethoven Radio" is amongst my favorites haha. Its relaxing and it helps me study when I'm not putting shit off.

Short entry, nothing to say except I am going to change that the Random Picture right now. Must...refrain..from..putting...up...Zac..Hanson..again.

Today was really good. Nothing special happened though..it was just good. Ok so maybe I talked to the guy I saw yesterday and thought was cute and now I sort of like him hehe :) He reminds me of this actor, Ethan Embry click and click, except with darker hair and eyes and side burn (ooooooOOH MAN!!!). He is such a cutie! Not hot but there is something incredibly adorable about him that makes me want to smile when I look at him (awww). His friend was talking about how he was such a ladies man and how he went through girlfriends a lot and he was like, "Well I got bored." haha Not cool! But he is really religious and I swear I heard him say he hasn't kissed anyone yet and doesn't plan to until he gets engaged (?!?!). Woah..definitely interesting. And I saw him checking me out...OOOlala SCORE! *shakes ass*

There is so much work that our Lit teacher is making us do. We're reading two books, one "The Tempest" which we're reading it in class, plus a zillion other things that go along with reading these two books, then an essay and a whole bunch of other crap. Blah. Oh then I found out I'm playing Miranda and have to wear a "long, flowing dress and flowers in her hair" lmao. That is gonna be a sight.

Thank you commenters :D -- Sez, Becca, Mez, Reed and Kena.

Incredibly bitchin new layout lol. I dunno if you could really call it that...but let me know what you guys think :) Today was really good. I think my period and those durn hormones were screwing with my brain and making me sad. Did I mentioned I'm in Art Club? Ha yeah GO ART CLUB! We're painting these bowls and I'm planning to do some kind of Indian/Arabic theme. I was looking for inspiration online and Indian jewlery and body art is just amazing. I love their abstract designs, bold colors and use of jewels. There is such a beauty to it. I feel like an art critic lol. Anyway we are selling these bowls and if someone actually buys mine I'm going to feel so special! hehe

I'm also thinking of doing yoga. I was interested in doing it this summer but never got around to it. When someone mentioned in my comments that I should try yoga it re-inspired me. It'll be a good relaxation tool *sits cross-legged and Ummmms* haha Now that I'll be joining a yoga class I'll have to get some REALLY tight spandex ROFL. That'll be DEAD SEXY. You know it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who commented last entry...you guys give good advice and make me feel better *big hug* :) I promised myself that next week WILL be better and I'll get my self out of this rut. Nothing much going on, just sitting here drinking water in my FREAKING HOT room. Its so warm in here I'm sweating buckets. I'm bored. *searches for blow up Zac doll*

I decided to customize my larger than life Hanson Street Team shirt to make the fit a little better. I'm going to find some cool way to "do it myself" hehe. I'm a DIY-er *snort*

New layout soon (be EXCITED).

I have no real friends. I have friends but none of them are true and they don't give a shit about me. Can't they see that I am hurting so badly inside? No my hard shell won't let them see it. I want so much to confide in someone at my school. But no one would understand. The only person who understands me is Jess (one of my pee-towners, can I hear a whoop whoop?). She knows what I'm going through and I know what she's going through. Our minds are so much a like, we are practically the same. She's the only person I've ever been able to open up to and relate to. The only problem is, is that she lives in Alaska. (Why Jess why? But it will be alright, we are going to Tulsa in just a couple of years! lol ;D)

I've never felt so alone. I feel like a zombie walking down the halls. This year is getting worse day by day. I can never find anyone for lunch and when I do they are off doing better things that I don't want to intervene with. Like today I asked what Christina was doing and she was like "Ooh going with Katie for a litte talk." Ok alright so I didn't bother asking anymore and just went on my lonely way to find someone. Later on I saw them and some other girl just giggling and walking around. Uh thanks guys. Real friends that I have. Katie just calls me for homework that I never give her and then wants to talk about guy problems. I don't give a shit bitch. I'm not going to let anyone use me. So I ended up going to the art room again today to work on the school webpage. It is so sad and I've never felt like such a loner before. It's like no one cares about me and I'm beginning not to care for myself. Why do I have to do this to myself? I keep walking into a darker and darker cave, withdrawing myself whenever possible. I put on a fake smile for everyone to show that everythings all right. But its not. The hurt is so bad. God damnit I just want to fit in and for someday this little mind of mine to make sense.

I'm on the verge of tears.

Anyway this is my first entry here at never-forget.org. I luff ya Sez and thank you so much for hosting me. And thanks to Tara, my previous host. I'm sad to see the domain go.

I was so bored last night I did my make up all funky. I lined my eyes in a black pencil, put a turquise/gold hue on my eyes up to my brows, glupped on the mascara and lined (again) in a purple sparkley shadow haha. I felt so 80's. I was doing all these modeling poses in the mirror lol. I should've taken pictures! I went to get a necklace cleaned and the chain is STILL dingy. The silver chain was already a little diry before the Portland and Seattle Hanson shows but afterwards it was almost black! haha I was sweating so bad! They reccomened that I use silver polish and a toothbrush to clean it. Ha yeah right, too much work for me. Paperflower.net is closing in a month :( I'll miss it here *sniff* I have so much homework this weekend. WHY do they do this to us? Why?!?

Speaking of Hanson, if you want to see my pictures of when I met them just email me or leave and comment and I'll send you the link :).

God my dad is such a fucking dick. The yelling never ends. I was sitting here doing my homework just a few minutes ago and couldn't even read because he was yelling and complaining so loud. He wants my mom's helps but yells at her for doing it wrong. Why doesn't he go do it himself then? Urgh. Then when my mom is helping him he goes "BABbaba, DONT' TALK!" or "STOP TALKING!" Wtf? You don't treat people like that. I can't stand all this shit anymore. He freaking controls her like a robot. Two more years and I'll be out of here...living my life how I want it and away from the yelling. I need to get away. It's not good for my emotional state, seriously. It's been this way ever since I can remember. I should look into how growing up in an environment like this affects the brain.

Thank you Mez and Amy for commenting :). Off to visit blogs..

This school year already fucking sucks. Two days into it and I already want out. My friends are nowhere to be found during lunch. Some of them have gone to different schools, found friends they're closer with, drive in their cars to lunch, go to work or whatever. I find myself looking for someone I know and just inviting myself to lunch with them. I don't like doing that because I don't "fit in" with their group and I always end up feeling like an outsider..a third wheel. If things wouldn't have changed from last year it would all be good. But now people are finding better things to do and forgetting me :(. I'm so lonely and all I want to do is have a group of friends that I actually fit in with. I mean I have friends, but not a lot of good ones that truly care about me. Will I never fit in?

My song of the day:

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes

Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin
So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird
Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win

So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Weird
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes
Just a little bit weird sometimes
"Weird" by Hanson

Anyway the Hanson concerts and the Meet and Greet were more than I could ask for. Hanson is such an amazing and talented band...no one will ever top them in my book. The Portland show was simply magical. A review later.

Hanson = TOMORROW! Oh-my-god...must...remember...to...breathe.

Thank you to everyone who's commented in the past couple of days, I luff you all! I'm off to pack..

I AM FUCKING MEETING HANSON! Yes you read that correctly! I got a Meet and Greet for P-town baby! I had a really good feeling all this week about. My concious was telling me something good was going to happen. And god damnit it was right on the spot. Also today in class we wrote down who we wanted to meet and I wrote Hanson and by golly my wish came true. The coincidence is weird I wrote that down and then got the email for the M&G in the same day. WHEEEEEE!! 4 (closer to 3) more days! I'M SO EXCITED!

So my first day of school. Yup, I was almost late. Having class at 7:30 is just WRONG. Not many people are in my first two classes but that's ok. I know some in the later ones. Then I get to leave after lunch...the only perk to have class that early in the morning. We went to lunch at Taco Time and they ran out of table numbers so I was left with just walking up there and getting my food. It was taking forever then they finally came out so I grabed it...it ended up it was someone else's food. I just thought they screwed up or something so I was like whatever, I'm eating this! Oooopsies hehe. Then I went to our football game tonight (right after I found out about the M&G :D) and we won! Whoop whooop! Made my day even better. I'm trying to get Christina to stop liking Anthony. She almost started crying when we were talking about it. I felt so bad. I can see what she sees in him but then again I don't. He is so nice and funny and such a gentleman but at the same time he is really immature and just a forking guy. He tries too hard for everyone to like him all the time. I think the more people he knows, the bigger his ego gets and the more special he feels. After we left he was like "Awww you guys are going?" And gave as all hugs. Ha it seemed like it was all show but then again I dunno. Because I am pretty good friends with him and it's not like I haven't done that before. Although he was trying to impress some senior girls and probably wanted to show that he had other girls friends and was all pimp like. hehe He cracks me up...men *shakes head*.

God damnit. I just took my school picture and got back in the car to find that my hair was fizzy and wind blown. And of course I didn't bother/take the time to fix it before the lady took my picture...noo..I wouldn't do a thing like that to make my picture look good. LKSAI8ELFPE;DJHA Grrr. I know it is going to be bad. Then I walked all around for the rest of registration like that. Ughhhhrrrrr. Wait you know what? I don't care. I don't give a fuck if people saw me and thought "Erh, nice hair." I don't care what you think. Yeah I like Hanson. SHOVE IT BITCH. I'm not going to care what people think of me anymore. And if they want to judge me, screw them. I'm so sick of sterotypes, judgemental bastards and people who won't give you the time of day just because you are the hottest or prettiest thing around. Just fuck all of you. Humph.

Hopefully I will be getting a desk soon. There are 40 thousand possibilites but nothing seems to work because there are so many scenarios surrounding it *sigh*. I just want a cheapo desk that will fit. My 3 Doors Down review is done...I should've taken a camera. New layout soon. This one is bugging the hell out of me for some reason. It's not the best work I've done, in my opinion. I have a little trick up my sleeve but probably won't beable to post it for a while because I have no real graphics program! The one that come with the computer doesn't have an option to add text. Pfft, what kind of graphics program is that? *grumbles* I'm feeling sorry for myself because summer is almost over and I don't want it to end. Maybe I should go outside and lay in the sun while reading up on the PSAT's and watch the physco neighborhood squirrel eat leaves.