Unpredictable

A bout of loneliness has swept over me this past week. I haven't felt alone like this in a while. So many people depend on me, I'm tired and worn of helping and listening to others babble on about their problems or good fortune. It seems like everyone is too caught up in their own issues to ask how I am. I have all this love that I want to share with someone but no one to share it with. I'm giving and giving but not receiving. So in turn this love, this undirected love, turns into an extreme amount of loneliness. Maybe I should put some of it towards myself.

I don't even know what it takes to make me content anymore. I'm not unhappy with myself, just unhappy with things around me. My life isn't really progressing, only school, sleep and eat. Nothing to make it better or amazing. I should be happy with my surroundings but it seems so blah that I can't make an effort to genuinely laugh. It's like I'm floating through the days, not fully digesting the beauty of life. The absence of people has also exacerbated the situation. An out-of-the-way apartment is such a contrast to the busy dorms of last year. I like alone time but not for all the time. My life has become so predictable and boring. That's it, I am bored with everything.

Now I feel a slight relief knowing that I am not insanely unhappy. Just bored.

Edit // I feel *much* better now that Marie and I had our little "dinner date". I have hope in life, partly because I pretty much rock at cooking lol. Making new recipes is super fun. At this very second I've decided to make one new recipe per week.