Incredibly bitchin new layout lol. I dunno if you could really call it that...but let me know what you guys think :) Today was really good. I think my period and those durn hormones were screwing with my brain and making me sad. Did I mentioned I'm in Art Club? Ha yeah GO ART CLUB! We're painting these bowls and I'm planning to do some kind of Indian/Arabic theme. I was looking for inspiration online and Indian jewlery and body art is just amazing. I love their abstract designs, bold colors and use of jewels. There is such a beauty to it. I feel like an art critic lol. Anyway we are selling these bowls and if someone actually buys mine I'm going to feel so special! hehe

I'm also thinking of doing yoga. I was interested in doing it this summer but never got around to it. When someone mentioned in my comments that I should try yoga it re-inspired me. It'll be a good relaxation tool *sits cross-legged and Ummmms* haha Now that I'll be joining a yoga class I'll have to get some REALLY tight spandex ROFL. That'll be DEAD SEXY. You know it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who commented last entry...you guys give good advice and make me feel better *big hug* :) I promised myself that next week WILL be better and I'll get my self out of this rut. Nothing much going on, just sitting here drinking water in my FREAKING HOT room. Its so warm in here I'm sweating buckets. I'm bored. *searches for blow up Zac doll*

I decided to customize my larger than life Hanson Street Team shirt to make the fit a little better. I'm going to find some cool way to "do it myself" hehe. I'm a DIY-er *snort*

New layout soon (be EXCITED).

I have no real friends. I have friends but none of them are true and they don't give a shit about me. Can't they see that I am hurting so badly inside? No my hard shell won't let them see it. I want so much to confide in someone at my school. But no one would understand. The only person who understands me is Jess (one of my pee-towners, can I hear a whoop whoop?). She knows what I'm going through and I know what she's going through. Our minds are so much a like, we are practically the same. She's the only person I've ever been able to open up to and relate to. The only problem is, is that she lives in Alaska. (Why Jess why? But it will be alright, we are going to Tulsa in just a couple of years! lol ;D)

I've never felt so alone. I feel like a zombie walking down the halls. This year is getting worse day by day. I can never find anyone for lunch and when I do they are off doing better things that I don't want to intervene with. Like today I asked what Christina was doing and she was like "Ooh going with Katie for a litte talk." Ok alright so I didn't bother asking anymore and just went on my lonely way to find someone. Later on I saw them and some other girl just giggling and walking around. Uh thanks guys. Real friends that I have. Katie just calls me for homework that I never give her and then wants to talk about guy problems. I don't give a shit bitch. I'm not going to let anyone use me. So I ended up going to the art room again today to work on the school webpage. It is so sad and I've never felt like such a loner before. It's like no one cares about me and I'm beginning not to care for myself. Why do I have to do this to myself? I keep walking into a darker and darker cave, withdrawing myself whenever possible. I put on a fake smile for everyone to show that everythings all right. But its not. The hurt is so bad. God damnit I just want to fit in and for someday this little mind of mine to make sense.

I'm on the verge of tears.

Anyway this is my first entry here at never-forget.org. I luff ya Sez and thank you so much for hosting me. And thanks to Tara, my previous host. I'm sad to see the domain go.

I was so bored last night I did my make up all funky. I lined my eyes in a black pencil, put a turquise/gold hue on my eyes up to my brows, glupped on the mascara and lined (again) in a purple sparkley shadow haha. I felt so 80's. I was doing all these modeling poses in the mirror lol. I should've taken pictures! I went to get a necklace cleaned and the chain is STILL dingy. The silver chain was already a little diry before the Portland and Seattle Hanson shows but afterwards it was almost black! haha I was sweating so bad! They reccomened that I use silver polish and a toothbrush to clean it. Ha yeah right, too much work for me. Paperflower.net is closing in a month :( I'll miss it here *sniff* I have so much homework this weekend. WHY do they do this to us? Why?!?

Speaking of Hanson, if you want to see my pictures of when I met them just email me or leave and comment and I'll send you the link :).

God my dad is such a fucking dick. The yelling never ends. I was sitting here doing my homework just a few minutes ago and couldn't even read because he was yelling and complaining so loud. He wants my mom's helps but yells at her for doing it wrong. Why doesn't he go do it himself then? Urgh. Then when my mom is helping him he goes "BABbaba, DONT' TALK!" or "STOP TALKING!" Wtf? You don't treat people like that. I can't stand all this shit anymore. He freaking controls her like a robot. Two more years and I'll be out of here...living my life how I want it and away from the yelling. I need to get away. It's not good for my emotional state, seriously. It's been this way ever since I can remember. I should look into how growing up in an environment like this affects the brain.

Thank you Mez and Amy for commenting :). Off to visit blogs..

This school year already fucking sucks. Two days into it and I already want out. My friends are nowhere to be found during lunch. Some of them have gone to different schools, found friends they're closer with, drive in their cars to lunch, go to work or whatever. I find myself looking for someone I know and just inviting myself to lunch with them. I don't like doing that because I don't "fit in" with their group and I always end up feeling like an outsider..a third wheel. If things wouldn't have changed from last year it would all be good. But now people are finding better things to do and forgetting me :(. I'm so lonely and all I want to do is have a group of friends that I actually fit in with. I mean I have friends, but not a lot of good ones that truly care about me. Will I never fit in?

My song of the day:

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes

Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin
So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird
Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win

So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Weird
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes
Just a little bit weird sometimes
"Weird" by Hanson

Anyway the Hanson concerts and the Meet and Greet were more than I could ask for. Hanson is such an amazing and talented band...no one will ever top them in my book. The Portland show was simply magical. A review later.

Hanson = TOMORROW! Oh-my-god...must...remember...to...breathe.

Thank you to everyone who's commented in the past couple of days, I luff you all! I'm off to pack..

I AM FUCKING MEETING HANSON! Yes you read that correctly! I got a Meet and Greet for P-town baby! I had a really good feeling all this week about. My concious was telling me something good was going to happen. And god damnit it was right on the spot. Also today in class we wrote down who we wanted to meet and I wrote Hanson and by golly my wish came true. The coincidence is weird I wrote that down and then got the email for the M&G in the same day. WHEEEEEE!! 4 (closer to 3) more days! I'M SO EXCITED!

So my first day of school. Yup, I was almost late. Having class at 7:30 is just WRONG. Not many people are in my first two classes but that's ok. I know some in the later ones. Then I get to leave after lunch...the only perk to have class that early in the morning. We went to lunch at Taco Time and they ran out of table numbers so I was left with just walking up there and getting my food. It was taking forever then they finally came out so I grabed it...it ended up it was someone else's food. I just thought they screwed up or something so I was like whatever, I'm eating this! Oooopsies hehe. Then I went to our football game tonight (right after I found out about the M&G :D) and we won! Whoop whooop! Made my day even better. I'm trying to get Christina to stop liking Anthony. She almost started crying when we were talking about it. I felt so bad. I can see what she sees in him but then again I don't. He is so nice and funny and such a gentleman but at the same time he is really immature and just a forking guy. He tries too hard for everyone to like him all the time. I think the more people he knows, the bigger his ego gets and the more special he feels. After we left he was like "Awww you guys are going?" And gave as all hugs. Ha it seemed like it was all show but then again I dunno. Because I am pretty good friends with him and it's not like I haven't done that before. Although he was trying to impress some senior girls and probably wanted to show that he had other girls friends and was all pimp like. hehe He cracks me up...men *shakes head*.

God damnit. I just took my school picture and got back in the car to find that my hair was fizzy and wind blown. And of course I didn't bother/take the time to fix it before the lady took my picture...noo..I wouldn't do a thing like that to make my picture look good. LKSAI8ELFPE;DJHA Grrr. I know it is going to be bad. Then I walked all around for the rest of registration like that. Ughhhhrrrrr. Wait you know what? I don't care. I don't give a fuck if people saw me and thought "Erh, nice hair." I don't care what you think. Yeah I like Hanson. SHOVE IT BITCH. I'm not going to care what people think of me anymore. And if they want to judge me, screw them. I'm so sick of sterotypes, judgemental bastards and people who won't give you the time of day just because you are the hottest or prettiest thing around. Just fuck all of you. Humph.

Hopefully I will be getting a desk soon. There are 40 thousand possibilites but nothing seems to work because there are so many scenarios surrounding it *sigh*. I just want a cheapo desk that will fit. My 3 Doors Down review is done...I should've taken a camera. New layout soon. This one is bugging the hell out of me for some reason. It's not the best work I've done, in my opinion. I have a little trick up my sleeve but probably won't beable to post it for a while because I have no real graphics program! The one that come with the computer doesn't have an option to add text. Pfft, what kind of graphics program is that? *grumbles* I'm feeling sorry for myself because summer is almost over and I don't want it to end. Maybe I should go outside and lay in the sun while reading up on the PSAT's and watch the physco neighborhood squirrel eat leaves.