I got my first offical booty call on Friday night. It was...funny? I hope that is not all I mean to him. I said "NO. We can't keep fooling around, it is not right." But hot damn, he was really trying to drunkenly convince me.

When I went home this weekend my mom gave me sweet smelling Dafny from our yard to bring back. Love my mommy. :) I also bought some hot pink playing cards (drinking games saayy whhaatt? Erh, I mean...I quit.) and more undies. I have a horrible obsession with cute underwear and the color pink.

I might be visiting one of my childhood best friends from Washington that I haven't seen in yeeeaaars. Oh my gosh I'm excited :)

Today in Relaxation I had an epiphany from my instructor's wise words: focusing on breathing, inner peace, unrestricted energy, not digesting toxins. So I'm becoming a straight up vegetarian (almost). I'm going to be eating only free-range or wild meat, and foods that are organic, natural and most of all, alive. Everything that is processed is going to be scrapped (with the exception of chocolate). Since there are not many choices on campus like this, it is going to be difficult but I will do it. This makes me miss Eugene. Oh Eugene, where are you when I needed you?

I've been wanting to do this for a while but haven't had the motivation. Now I have the will and power to change and cleanse my soul. Breathing clean air, observing nature and taking in it's energy, walking with my inner core instead of my head, living for the moment, not giving into urges that come from emotional and physical stress, and engaging my whole body into life. Ahh, the feeling of freshness and purity. It is beautiful.

This makes me want to become an organic chef and devote my life to all things natural and inner peace.

I miss the smell of hippies...

For the first time in a while, I don't have that much weekend assignments. Days of overwork have lead to exhaustion. Finally, I am (slightly) free!!

Well shit, folks. You know the Red Hot Chili Peppers song "Californication"? That is what down last night, minus the "cali". Me and him CANNOT be around each other and drink. It is always a bad combo that leads to disaster. At least it was better than last time! haha Its kind of really fucking funny though. College is about making mistakes and learning from them right? Obviously I didn't learn the first time. There will not be a third unless our relationship status changes to something official...and I don't really want that to happen. I can't do "fuck buddies" and I can't do "together".

This is a lot of poo. :(

I had a realization the other night--guys only see my exterior, cute, fun, and a crazy drunk. They don't see past that into my interior. I am so much more than a ditzy party girl. I don't like the image I am portraying right now because people get the wrong impression and don't know there is a real person behind this facade. I want guys to see that I am fun but have depth. I can be a closed book, you have to work hard to get to know me and it might take a while, but it is well worth it.

I've been very disappointed in myself lately. Not just school wise, but with my actions and behaviors. I feel like I've not been the nicest person to people who don't desrve it. I've also let myself down, doing shit that really isn't me. Sometimes you get caught up and loose touch of reality and the important things, thus diving into unhealthy habits.

Also, I really fucking LOVE country now. Not that pop country shit but that stuff you can rock out to. I've offically been converted (sadly and unforfunately). "Pickin' Wild Flowers" by Keither Anderson, AAAaahhhhhh! The end.

Winter term? No, this is "Ashley gets fucked" term. I've managed to fail yet another midterm. What in the hell is going on? I mean seriously, when the fuck did I become so stupid? Ashley does not get F's. Ashley does not miserably fail anything. And it is not just the fact of getting a bad grade, it is the fact that I know I can do a hell of a lot better.

This must be my time to finally get screwed over because I'm really screwing up in life right now, in more than just school. Ever since that one night with "him" it has gone down hill. Maybe this is a mental problem.

I've never failed anything in my life so I don't know how to deal with this.

Thank you Silverchair and your wonderful angry music. I'm also drowning my pain in chocolate. What is a healthy way to deal with failure? And if you say exercise I will slap you because that does not really help.

I think I might drop out of college and become a make up artist. Yes. Well, then go to a beauty school because you will soon be seeing me do all the make up for the hottest runway shows, exotic photo shoots, and dramatic TV series'. Be ready. Maybe I should graduate fro the lame ass business program first?

I desperately need to make out with the boy next door. DOH. Damnit. I wasn't supposed to admit that to myself. I was supposed to be over him.

I'm wearing my new jeans. Weee.

This post is dedicated to Stephanie! Just for youuu haha :)

Current Music: "Sunrise" - Norah Jones (I told myself I would never like her but this song is beautiful...)
Current Mood: STRESSED! My social and school calendars are packed.

The most stupid, idiotic and unlucky (yet slightly funny) shit happens to me!! Whenever I'm with him it is always a night for the record books.

I don't think it is right for me to be bleeding this much. My roommie was like, "you need to get on birth control to control that flow!" haha Yeah. That plus dancing does NOT equal good times. Get the picture? Then multiply it by 5,000.

I. LOVE. BEER. (now). It has gone from hate to love. I can pound those suckers and enjoy it. And hey, that is what college is about...drinking cheap beer and finding ways to get it for free. I'm also growing an increasing tolerence. I'm not such a light weight anymore.. (Why do I always talk about alcohol now? Is that one of the signs of dependence?)

Ooh oh oh, did I tell you I got a 40% on my math mid term...a solid forty! YES. When the FUCK did I get so stupid?!?

"Must Be Doing Something Right" by Billy Currington IS FREAKING AMAZING PEOPLE. God damn. Coming from a girl that strongly dislikes country (except when she is intoxicated and getting her groove on), that is saying something. It is the lyrics. And his silky voice. It is my new obsession that has gone terribly wrong (much like a lot of retarded events in my life. What is with parentheses tonight?)

I'm talking like I'm on some kind of drug. Maybe it is all those vitamin C drops. Can you overdose on those things? You must be thinking I'm even more crazy than before. But that is what I love about this site. I can write anything and not have a care in the world about what anyone thinks.

I'm completely awake at it is almost 4 am. Agggg grrr arggg errrggg ehhh AAAAUGGG!

Love, depression (and PMS) shouldn't mix. Could it really be love or just my imagination? There is an interesting article about love/passion in the latest National Geographic that my roommate bought. It had caused much thought, maybe too much.

Ewww there was some weird sticky crap in my hair.

The brownies at the dining center are delicious.

Le siiiiigh.