How do you know if a guy is 'the one'? Maybe not necessarily for life, but to date. Will you instinctual know it? I am so picky and my standards are so high, that I reject everything that is not perfect in my eyes. I have been bombarded with so many guys recently, what if I have passed up the one? I like being single but then again I want someone to love and I want someone to love me.

I don't want to pass up something beautifully amazing. It is hard to see everything clearly when you are blinded (at least in one eye) by someone else. Its hard to cope when you know that something might be right but its now unattainable.

I think I will just know it....I hope.

Love is a tough subject, so forget it. I've gone through a lot these past two weeks. I had a revelation on Sunday. My drinking was out of control. I was out of control. I had no respect for myself and I just didn't care. My motto was "Just fuck it."? I was already in the hole, so what was another mistake? My drinking started affecting others close to me, then I realized it had become a big problem. When my shit hurt other people it just had to be changed. I'm changing. Drinking not to get drunk as fast a possible, but to get a nice buzz and have fun. No more shows to put on. No more making out with random guys. No more crazy ass shit. I have potential to live up to. I have myself, and that is all I've got.

This made me giggle:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

So my date went well but not exceptional (I wore lip gloss, Alex). We had many things to talk about but I didn't do much of the talking. The beauty of me is that it takes time to get to know me, you just gotta let it flow and be around me. I hope to see him again but it wouldn't break my heart of I didn't.

ahaha I thought of something tonight, "I like my men like I like my pita chips, hard on the outside and soft on the inside."

Maybe going out tonight? I dunno. I gotta lay off on the booze, guys. For real. You don't even know...

Why do I alawys screw up? I wish this whole thing with him would stop happening and be over once and for all. I met a new guy, maybe he will change things. Although he is a fucking hardcore conservative. How in the hell could I endure that?

Shits complicated as fuck and it never goes the way its supposed to.

Goodnight, for now. I feel a little late-night-post arousal.

Plugs: Brittney, Alex

I love crazy nights. I always do stupid shit though. But I have to admit, I was rackin' in the boys last night.

Weekly guy update: I'm confused about a certain person...again :(. And of course, I still like my manly, rugged STUD. God he is a looker.

Recommend some good country songs!! My country playlist is so fucking weak. Actually, recommend good songs in general from any genre. I'm the mood to extend my library!

My Body Sculpting class is INTENSE. I did more lounges and squats in 50 minutes than I've ever done in my life. I convinced myself I was going to die and if not, it would be next class. My body better be fucking sculpted by the end of this term!

This mid-afternoon I discovered that Olay's Body Butter is a wonderful smelling delight in the shower that produces even softer skin. I would recommend this to any woman, or metro man.

Yay I love sun and flowers. :) Wouldn't it be a treat to have fresh flowers in your room everday? Think of how much happier we would be all be.

EDIT // My quads and butt are so sore that I move at the pace of an old woman with muscle problems and have immense troubles getting up and down from chairs.